Psychotropic
by S.Walden
Summary: Jyou is through with living his father's dreams. Usually, Yamato is his escape, but when that's no longer possible, he finds a poor substitute that drags everyone down with him. Jyoumato, one sided Sorato, Taishirou (possibly), and Takari.
1. Chapter 1: Conversations

A/N: If you read my fic "Symmedians", then the last paragraph or so of this chapter may seem familiar. This fic kind of span off from just that paragraph. Anyway, as always, enjoy!

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><p>Chapter 1: Conversations<p>

"Dad and I aren't sure how to explain things to Takeru, but we figure he's old enough now that he should know. I guess."

Jyou poured artificial sugar into his tea as his boyfriend went on about worries. A typical afternoon after a long day at school for him and a long day at practice for the other. "You don't sound so sure."

"Well, won't this completely destroy his perception of his mother?" Yamato remarked, resting his forehead on the table. The cloth underneath, soft on the bottom and plastic on the top, stuck to him when he lifted his face again. "It's not like she's ever done anything to him."

"Then, is there really a reason to explain?" Jyou questioned.

"...he's been asking me ever since they moved into town about why can't Dad get back together with Mom or why won't you come see Mom, brother? Ugh. I'm tired of it."

"More coffee sweetheart?" asked a passing waitress.

"Just give me the entire pot," Yamato remarked, holding out his mug.

"Drinking caffiene this late has adverse effects on you," Jyou noted.

"You're drinking tea."

"Decaf," Jyou smirked. When the blonde didn't smile- and he usually would –Jyou gave a sigh, "Whatever advice I give you would only be my opinion."

"You know Takeru better than me," Yamato said. He took a sip of the coffee and burned the roof of his mouth. He stifled a curse admist the patrons around him.

"How many times do I have to remind you to let things cool? Why do you think they have those assanine warning labels on the cups? The freaking cups. What idiot..." Jyou found himself going into a tangent. "Anyway, how the Hell do I know your own little brother better than you?"

"Taichi and you always took better care of him," Yamato said, giving a psuedo smile down at his coffee. He swirled to drink to distort his reflection. "What do you think Takeru would do, nonetheless?"

"Do? Would it really upset him that much?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you!" Yamato said, throwing his hands out in front of him.

"Relax," Jyou whispered, reaching a hand over to the other for a moment. He quickly pulled away, however. No one really knew of their relationship, not even Takeru. Imagine if they dropped that bombshell while they were busy explaining the truth about the kids' mother. "I guess, if I had to guess... Takeru would probably be in denial. He loves his entire family equally and in his eyes you three are infallible."

"Is it that obvious?" Yamato pondered, finally able to sip his drink. "So, see, I can't tell him. He'll only give me weird looks."

Jyou snorted, "I don't give you weird looks and as far as I know, you, me, your father, and well, your mother, are the only ones that know what happened."

"My father has barely spoken to me since I was seven and my... well, I haven't spoken to her in nearly six years."

"Except that time Takeru made you three get together for a family dinner a year ago. She was at your graduation, too, although I guess you were a bit drunk to remember."

"I wouldn't have been wasted if it wasn't for her showing up. I told her to stay the fuck away from me," Yamato hissed. "Oh, and the family dinner thing, you're right. I told her I hope she dies and that demons-" Jyou began to glance around, catching the blonde's attention. He looked around and lowered his steadily rising voice, "Well, I won't repeat everything else. God damn, she makes my blood boil."

"I didn't mean to bring it up," Jyou sighed.

"You didn't. This is about Takeru anyway," Yamato concluded. Jyou made a mental note of his lover's temporarily-permenant stare of death. "Dad wants me to tell him, so I suppose we will either way, and if Takeru hates me that's that."

"If he hates you? Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"Well, he won't be able to look at me," Yamato remarked, "Still, I'm not the best influence for him. So _mother_ says."

"Enough with her," Jyou pressed. "So, basically, you invited me all the way out here in the rain to bitch about your mother?"

"You like it when I'm angry, don't you?" Yamato teased.

"Yeah..." Jyou swooned, "But I could have been studying. In fact, if I don't get back soon, I'll be in huge trouble."

"I don't know why you just won't let me come by," Yamato replied. "I know your family are a bunch of closet wierdos, but can it be better than an ex-alcoholic, a rapist, and an annoying brat?"

"No, it really isn't. I'm rather envious of your family sometimes, believe it or not," Jyou said, gathering his coat.

Yamato scoffed, "I don't get you sometimes. Your family makes no sense to me. At least hate each other if you're going to live under the same roof and ignore everyone else."

"Sometimes being numb is better than being blinded with rage, _sweetie_," Jyou remarked. He unfolded his umbrella. "Now, go get some rest. You look like Hell, as usual."

* * *

><p>"Shuu?"<p>

"Yeah. Dad's not home. He had an emergency call a few hours ago. He was steamed then, but I'm sure by the time he gets home, he won't care anymore."

"He will when he hears about my A minus," Jyou sighed.

"Where were you, anyway?"

"At a friend's house."

"_Yamato_'s?" Shuu teased.

"So what if I was? I was trying to help."

"Trying to help? So you didn't actually accomplish anything," Shuu chuckled. The two began walking down the hall to their rooms. Jyou glanced over at the living room. His mother was in her chair, staring off into space. She was always like that when she actually took her medication. It made him sick. He remembered how his Mom used to be, before Dad forced her to take them. She was lively and creative and beautiful... and then, damn near suicidal for weeks at a time, before the process started all over again. He knew this was better for her, but he couldn't _believe_ it was better.

"It's complicated," Jyou continued, stopping at his own room. "What do you care, anyway?" _It's not like any of you ever come out of the woodwork except to pry into my personal life._

"Something crazy must be up if you're being this much of a douche, Jyou," Shuu sighed. "Still... how long do you think you can hide this from Dad? He thinks you're at an extra cram class and he's going to look into it."

"I'll take care of it, Shuu, now leave me alone," Jyou remarked, storming into his room and shutting the door. He removed his glasses and ran his hand over his face. "...because I always have to take care of things. I have to."


	2. Chapter 2: Temptations

Chapter 2: Temptations

Jyou had a full day of classes and as the alarm sounded next to him, his body filled with dread for the day before him. He loved so many things, but hated equally the essence of those things. For example, Yamato was his entire world, but it seemed every week there was something bothering him or a worry he couldn't shake, except onto Jyou. Jyou would love to express his own concerns, but inside he knew he wouldn't do anything about them, when his boyfriend was actually coming to him for his opinion and reassurance.

That morning, something in him snapped. Probably because for once he was given permission to not go to school and look after his mother instead. Jyou didn't really mind, considering he loved the few _manic_ times he spent with his own mother. The downside, however, was that if his mother decided to have some reaction to her new medication, then Jyou would be blamed... and suffer the consequences.

He got dressed, made his coffee, and sat down across from his mother. He picked up the bottle on the table and took a glance. Halfway through medical school and he could easily see what they were without checking the label: Clonazepam, or more simply, Klonopin. K-Pin on the streets. They were there to help balance his mother's swings. "Mom?" he asked.

She was a beautiful, frail thing. She had shoulder length, frazzled blue hair, like his own. She spent most of her time reading romance books and Jyou wondered if his parents had ever had a storybook love affair like that. Jyou barely knew anything about them, except that his mother's side had a history of bipolar and his father's side was strictly doctors. "You should have gone to school. I can take care of myself," the woman sighed.

"Dad just wants to make sure you're handling the benzos okay," Jyou explained, picking up a medical journal. Like there was anything else to read.

"I don't even want these stupid things. I always feel so drained."

Jyou made an aggravated sigh, "They relax you. That's why."

"How is that boy friend of yours?" she asked.

"He's not my boyfriend," Jyou spat.

"I didn't say anything of the sort. He's a male friend, right? I just wanted to know."

"He's fine," Jyou lied. _Yamato is never fine. _

"And school is okay?"

"I have a year of college left," the son replied, setting the medical journal back down. He couldn't read with his mom bombarding him with amazingly mom-like questions. As annoyed as he was, any reaction from her was any attention at all. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad, since everything in his house was so black and white, he threw around the possibilities of his decision.

"Jyou, when you were just a little kid, in my arms," his mother began, cradling nothing, "You were so small. I knew from then on you were special."

"Mom, you gotta take your medicine," Jyou said, changing the subject.

"No."

"Mom," Jyou demanded. "Please. Promise me you'll take them. I can't always be here to force them down your throat." Jyou immediately regretted that statement, but he was so fed up with everything. Why did he have to be responsible for her sanity? Yamato's happiness?

"You're so mean," she replied.

Jyou took a pill from the bottle and handed it to her. He held the glass of water in his opposite hand. "These will help your other medicine work better," he explained.

"I should have never married a doctor," his mother complained and took the medicine.

Jyou sighed, checking his watch. He could be spending this free time with Yamato, not stuck here. He wasn't sure what came over him, but he wanted to do something for himself for a change. "Mom... I'm going out for a bit."

"Okay," she replied. "I'll read my books."

Jyou slipped on his shoes, double checked for his wallet. "I'm leaving, Mom."

"Be good."

* * *

><p>"Yeah, Takeru. I think we should talk soon. I'm not sure when a good time is yet," Yamato explained, pacing around the living room with the phone in his hand.<p>

"Well, it must not be super important, then, is it?" Takeru chuckled on the other end. "I know you're busy with all those applications. Did you hear back from NASA or JAXA yet?"

"Not yet, but it's only been a week since I sent in the physical and all that. It's going to be at least a month before I hear anything back."

"Oh," Takeru said, "Well, I know you can do it."

Yamato heard a beep signaling someone on the other line. "I gotta take the other lane. It's probably just Dad saying he won't be home, but you know."

"Yeah. Mom will be home soon and my homework isn't done."

"Bye, Takeru." Yamato switched over the line. "Ishida."

"Y-Yamato?" whispered a female voice.

"Sora?" he asked in disbelief. "What's up?" She didn't reply. He couldn't even hear her breathe, just the sound of her shifting the reciever in her hands. "Sora?"

"Yamato, I called because I have something to tell you."

_Something to tell __**me**__? God, the last time we dated was over four years ago... last time we saw each other was my graduation. We all know what a debacle that was. In fact, they had only dated briefly because of an even similar debacle the Christmas after. _"Okay... what is it?"

"Do you remember the night you graduated?" Sora started.

Yamato laughed, but more out of worry than his own shame for actually not remembering it. "Not well," he admitted.

"Well... We... did... things, Yamato..." Sora said each word carefully.

"What?"

"You slept with me," Sora replied. "I found out today, officially, I'm pregnant."

_This is a joke, right? After all that happened you think we would...? No. No. It doesn't make sense. It never would._ "You're mistaken... I'd remember."

"Well, you don't and I do. You _know_ me, Yama." _I hate it when she calls me that. My mother used to..._ "I don't just sleep around for fun like other girls. I care about you. I know... I know you need time to think about it. I'll call you back or we can meet in person, it doesn't matter. Just know that... if I have this baby without you, my Mom..."

Yamato knew many a thing about insensitive mothers. Sora's was particularly strict. An abortion or adoption would be out of the question for her. The realization was beginning to sink in. He didn't have a choice, however, if he didn't own up to his actions with Sora, he would be breaking his own promise to himself. One he had made since the day his parents split up. "Sora, don't worry, okay? Let me think about all this."

"O-Okay, Yamato. I... I do love you, you know," she replied. "Even after all that happened."

"I know," he said, tracing his wrists, then hung up the phone.

Then his revolving door continued as a knock came from the door. "Yamato, it's me, Jyou."

_Fuck, Jyou. I didn't even consider... how... what are we... Jyou..._ The blonde struggled to find his motor skills as he was overwhelmed with everything he would have to give up. If he did get the job in the space program, he wouldn't have time with a kid on the way. His beautiful and long awaited romance with Jyou would be thrown out the window like an ex's television set. He knew more realizations awaited with those, but the door was knocked on again, "Yamato, you're home aren't you?"

The blonde walked over and opened the door. "H-Hey, Jyou."

Jyou embraced him, kicking the door shut behind him. "I finally made some time for us. Did you get to talk to Takeru?"

"Oh, yeah, I decided to tell him everything... I just... haven't found time yet."

"That's good. One less weight off your shoulders, right?"

Yamato laughed, "Yeah... still, shouldn't you be in school?"

"My father asked me to watch my mother... but I was fed up."

"The indestructible Jyou, fed up? God, what happened?"

Jyou walked over to the couch. Yamato joined him, watching as the other's face grew more pained and more sad. _Jyou, not the waterworks. I really can't handle this right now. You're already going to hate me as it is. _

"Yamato, I don't know what to do anymore."


	3. Chapter 3: Breakdowns

A/N: I'm going to apologize in advance. Yamato is such an outright jerk in this chapter, but even the nicest people say bad things. I promise he'll make it up to Jyou later on. :) Also, sorry for the lack of updates. I had no internet for a week. I also saved over chapter six of this one and am in the process of rewriting it. Sigh. Enjoy this chapter, at least!

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><p>Chapter 3: Breakdowns<p>

"I don't know what to do anymore," Jyou whispered, tears flowing from his eyes. "I can't take all this. I hate going to school every single day, preparing for exams day and night, and living the life my family lives." The young man was shaking in Yamato's arms.

"I told you a million times to just tell your father to fuck off," the blonde remarked. "Live the life you want to. Shuu did. Why is it so much harder for you?"

Jyou only sobbed harder, this time prompting him to throw his glasses somewhere across the couch. He could hear his boyfriend's aggravated sigh and feel the very slight flinch that was really a shove in disguise. "I'm tired of my life, Yamato, I'm tired of it..."

"We do this all the time," Yamato seethed. "_I'm tired of it_. I'm tired of telling you to do what you want. I can't help you. You have to change, Jyou."

"...I don't mean to," Jyou breathed between trying to control his sobbing. He could feel Yamato growing more tense by the second. Whenever Jyou cried, it just seemed to anger him. He was never sure if it was simple impatience or outright apathy, but either way, Jyou knew it was really his fault. He shouldn't have been there whining about his problems. Yamato told him to stand up for himself. Why couldn't he do it? "Yama-Yamato," Jyou began as the blonde stood from the couch. He walked over by the balcony. Jyou could see his lover's reflection in the glass. Jyou was sure he never made the connection: that angry look was the same one he got whenever he talked about his family's many shortcomings, whichever one he felt to complain about that day. Jyou wished, deep down in that moment, that Yamato would just listen to him, consider him, hold him, but Jyou knew that wasn't possible:

"Jyou, until you get your act together, I don't want to see your face."

"Okay, then I'll go..." Jyou whispered, reaching around for his glasses. He forced his lead-like body from the couch and heard the balcony door slide open as he put his shoes on. Before he left, he turned to see Yamato sitting out on the balcony with his head in his hands and a cigarette in the tray on the table at his side. Jyou wanted more than anything for the blonde to come back in and apologize, but again, Jyou knew he wouldn't this time. Jyou had finally succeeded in fucking up everything in his life. _I deserve it_, he figured. _I've always been useless to others. When they need me, I don't have the strength or the will to do anything. I can only think about myself. _

Jyou walked down the stairs of the complex and out onto the street. It was a short bus ride home. _I've lied to my father about where I've been because he doesn't want me having friends, much less a love life, or a boyfriend for that matter. I would be just a useless fag to him, never to bare the children he wants, so I can make them live this wasted life, too. Hell, I'll fail at that, too. Knowing me, one of them will be a nutcase like Mom and then they can't continue the family legacy. What woman would sleep with me, anyway? Why does Yamato sleep with me, anyway? Maybe I'm just an easy lay to him. Maybe he only likes me because I'm well endowed. Maybe he settled for me because he couldn't get who he really wanted... _

Jyou's thoughts continued when he was on the train. He stared into his reflection: blood shot eyes, frazzled hair. His real self was showing through his sweater vest and dress pants. _This is who you really are, Jyou Kido. Nothing. Just another face in this crowd. No one knows who you are or what you've done for the world. All that suffering and pain in the Digital World was for nothing. It's almost like a distant dream. Perhaps that means that the times he and Yamato spent together were a dream, too. What if it never happened and the entire thing was one long manic episode?_

Jyou tried to fight back tears again with a sniffle. He turned away from the window. _I don't blame you, Yamato, for not wanting to look at me. I can't look at me on a daily basis. My mother only sees me as I was years ago: her little baby. My father just sees me as a way to carry out his immortality. My brothers don't even see me at all._ _So... it's no surprise, Yamato. You don't see me either, now, anymore... After all, I'm sure this is just your way of breaking up with me, isn't it? You've grown tired of this shell of a human being, haven't you? You've used me up. Now you'll move on to the next person, like the rumours about you say. I once justified those rumours because how could you ever stay with anyone when you're so fragile? Only I know the truth. Maybe if everyone else knew why you can't be close to anyone for more than a few weeks, then... _Jyou shook his head. _No, you can't think like that. Jyou, you're not the type of person to get revenge on someone. Especially for nothing. All he did was turn you away when you needed him most._

Jyou was shaking again and when he stepped off of the bus and made his way quickly through the shadows around him, he found a quiet place to take a breath. Several deep breaths, in fact. He couldn't go home like this. Tears were weakness. Tears were unacceptable. Finally, he composed himself and went back to his apartment. Inside, the family was sitting down to dinner. He joined them after washing up.

"How was cram school?" his father asked. Shin gave Jyou a quick glance before returning to the meal in front of him. "Which one is it again?"

Jyou had the sinking suspicion his father was beginning to notice. "Halloway Academy," he replied, "Everything is going well, actually. I'm improving over last week."

"Oh, can I see the report card?" Jyou's Mom asked cheerfully. He looked her over. She had probably skipped her medication again. He just didn't care. _Like Yamato says Mom, you gotta want to help yourself. So fuck you if you don't want to._

"They're electronic. You know, email," Jyou pointed out.

"I haven't received a letter," his father demanded.

"Check your spam box," Jyou sighed. _Thank you, Koushiro, for all those useless things about email that I thought I'd never use, considering I don't have an email._

"Ah, well, if it isn't there, I'll have to give them a call Wednesday when I'm not on-call," his father explained sternly. "Jyou, I'm proud of you for taking initiative for a change. You also did well with your mother yesterday. I know it's hard to spend the entire day cooped up here all the time, but I'm sure you got lots of studying done."

"Well with me?" the woman questioned. _Mom, don't mention I left, please. That's all I need._ "Jyou's such a good kid."

_Of course,.. you're both clueless idiots. She probably didn't even realize I was gone, I bet_, Jyou thought, stabbing the food in front of him. _Everyone's clueless. Everyone's only looking out for themselves. But not me. No, I have to make sure all of you fuckers stay in line._

"Eat your dinner," Jyou's father spat.

Shin didn't say anything. He always stared at the empty space Shuu had left for them while he was off gallumphing in anthropology. _Another betrayal. This never ends, does it?_

Jyou had eaten all he was going to eat, but with half his food left on his plate, he was forced to finish it to avoid being wasteful. He couldn't leave even after that because, as the youngest of the household, he was to load the dishes, wipe down the table, and make sure that in general, the house was tip-top before getting his required daily shower. No phone calls past eight. Lights out at nine, unless he was studying. Jyou recycled all these motions as he did them and when he gave one last go-around the living room while in his bathrobe, he had just finished checking the locks when he noticed his mother's medication on the table. _You promised you would take them_, he yelled inside his mind, walking over to them. _You don't even need these, do you?_ He picked them up. Only a few pills missing, but not enough to keep up with her daily dose. He wasn't sure why he pocketed just enough and returned to his room. Perhaps, it was because he knew they were anti-anxiety and anti-insomniacs. He wouldn't be getting to sleep due to his anxiety anyway, so he used the glass of water on his nightstand and took one, hoping he would get some sleep.

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><p>Yamato heard the door close and lock in the distance. He looked back. <em>Just like you, to always be thinking of me. I'm such a fucking jerk. I can't even let you vent for five minutes before I blow up in your face. How do you not hate me, Jyou? Why are you even with me? After all, I've betrayed you. To escape my mother, I threw away all my inhibitions and ended up fucking up everything we could have had. I don't even remember it, Jyou. I don't. Why would I go with her, when you were just as many steps away? I can't even stand her, because all I see... All I see...<em> Yamato felt sick to his stomach and took a long drag in hopes of calming it.

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><p>They had finally caught up to Sora in the forest. She was trapped between Yamato and Taichi and had no choice but to confess her reasoning for her disappearance. <em>You're an idiot to believe a Digimon when he tells you your crest won't glow, or anything else. Hell, you had been going around trying to protect all of us and saw us all fall into the same traps... <em>"I don't want you to leave our family-" Takeru had said, looking up at a tear filled Sora. "I mean, our friends. And... you remind me of my Mommy. I don't miss her as much when I'm around you."

_Takeru?_ Yamato wondered, watching his younger brother look up at Sora. _Yeah, I guess I can see that, too. It makes me sick._

* * *

><p>Yamato screamed and knocked over the table next to him, sending a tray of ash across the balcony. The phone was ringing again. He was sure it was her, calling to find out his answer. Although he didn't really have a question <strong>to<strong> answer. She was pregnant. She was sure it was him and he had no reason to deny it. He couldn't be selfish when it involved his children. Ever. "There's no way I could have," he breathed, trying to fight his own logic. "Not when you remind me of her..." he breathed, his voice coming out more like a silenced howl than words.

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><p>*Please read my fanfiction "Evenings", chapter 1 for the flashback that goes here.<p>

* * *

><p>He didn't realize why until the memory of Christmas resurfaced again. He never knew how to apologize to her and he never explained anything, making this entire mess even more awkward than it had to be.<p>

He went inside and stood in the empty house. _This isn't how you want your children to live, is it?_ He continued into the kitchen, desperate to kill the feelings inside him as the phone began to ring again. There. A bottle of wine he had bought ages ago for cooking. When he was trying to impress Jyou, for their first dinner date...

"Jyou, I had to be upset with you..." the blonde said, shrinking to the floor. He held the bottle to his cheek, the cold glass cooling his skin. "I can't tell you the truth."

The ringing of the phone faded as, slowly, his body began to forget it existed and his thoughts faded into nothing. He curled up on the tile and wondered perhaps, maybe, if he would just die and the world could go on as if he had never existed at all.


	4. Chapter 4: Friends

Chapter 4: Friends

When Jyou awoke the next morning, he felt immensely better. The fight seemed like a dream and he was even hopeful he could work it out. He even quickly developed a plan to somehow email his Dad a fake report card. But by mid-day, he realized how impossible that all seemed and he was flooded with thoughts again. Especially as it grew closer to Hikari's birthday party that evening. Jyou had thoroughly fought six months in advance to go and was glad he was able to celebrate with his friends. For awhile as he made his way to the Yagami apartment, he thought this would be a good chance for him to catch a break from everything, but then he saw Yamato and his heart sank. He was talking with Sora. _Sora_. It didn't make sense, especially after the Christmas incident.

* * *

><p>"So, this is how you decide to meet with me? At Hikari's party? You can't talk to me over the phone or meet me alone in person? You have to do it here?" Sora questioned endlessly.<p>

All Yamato did was approach her. Because what was he going to do? Ignore her the entire time? "Sora, I just needed time to think."

"Well, what are we going to do?"

"I'll..." Yamato started, feeling sick to his stomach, "I'll stay with you, Sora. I'm not one who doesn't take responsibility, you know that. Also, I can't abandon a friend."

"R-Really?" she smiled. Her eyes glossed over. "Yamato, you're so mature."

The blonde did blush a little. Sora embraced him. He wasn't sure what to do, really, so, as he saw Iori and Miyako approaching, he hugged her back. Then, she gently took his face in her hands and kissed him.

_Yamato, you like to kiss me, right? I'm your mother, this is what sons do when they say goodbye to their mothers._

He kissed back, but more out of instinct than any actual feeling. It was far from passionate and eventually he found the sense to pull away. His face burned red with embarassment and anger.

"Hey, you two," Iori greeted.

"Wow, I didn't know you two got back together!" Miyako smiled. "I'm so glad you worked it out."

"Y-Yeah," Yamato faked a smile and pulled Sora up next to him. She giggled.

"Oh, hey Jyou!" Miyako called. "Come on, join the rest of us!"

Yamato closed his eyes. _How much have you seen?_ He recognized Jyou's delicate footsteps and only opened his eyes when Jyou had met up with them. However, he couldn't look at those beautiful eyes. Jyou tried to give a smile.

_So, you were just using me. I should have guessed._ "So, when were you planning on telling everyone?"

"We wanted to surprise everyone..." Yamato replied.

"Come on, Hikari's waiting on us," Miyako said, leading the train of kids behind her. They all flowed into the apartment carrying gifts and eventually seperated into their cliques they had developed over the years.

Sora held close to Yamato, though, keeping him away from Jyou and Koushiro, who he usually mingled with. Instead, he found Taichi congradulating them. "I can't believe it, man. How long were you guys dating anyway?"

"How did you..." Yamato started. Sora made a noise next to him.

"I... may have told Taichi, too," Sora replied. "He wouldn't stop pestering me. You know how much of a bother he can be."

"Yeah..." Yamato responded.

"So, you're going to be a father. That's amazing," Taichi replied.

"My dream..." Yamato said cheerfully, even though he was really admitting his life fleeting away from him.

Jyou and Koushiro were standing at the far side of the room. "Jyou, is it just me or does this seem odd to you?"

"You're so observant," Jyou spat.

"I thought you two were dating... I didn't realize he was straight."

Jyou squeezed the plastic cup in his hands, sending juice flying over the edge, "What? You knew?"

Koushiro shrank back a little, "Well, yeah, Yamato and I talk online sometimes. I didn't tell anyone, though. He told me how you felt about it."

"Well, I wonder what other secrets he's been keeping from me," Jyou breathed.

"Maybe he doesn't want to disappoint his parents, either," Koushiro replied.

"No, you don't understand. This is _Sora_," Jyou demanded.

"Why is she different from any other girl?"

"For Yamato, this is... it doesn't make any sense... how can they be together?" Jyou hissed.

Koushiro watched the wrinkles forming in Jyou's face and sighed. "He seemed very happy with you, Jyou... if that's any consolation. You know how Yamato is. He probably couldn't explain to you what was going on. I mean, he just graduated and he's thinking about his future."

_We had a future_, Jyou screamed.

Then, Hikari gathered everyone's attention. She pulled Yamato and Sora over to her, a smile across her face, "Everyone, I know you're all here to celebrate me, but there's something I think everyone should know. Yamato and Sora are having a baby!"

Jyou almost choked. Koushiro rubbed his back lightly, but the taller one pulled away and went to the bathroom. He fell onto the sink and fought back all his emotions. He couldn't cry or scream. He couldn't draw unnecessary attention away from _Yamato's moment_. Jyou just watched himself try to catch his own breath as he tried to reason everything. _I just need to relax_, he thought, taking a pill from his pocket. _Just to get through this party, that's all. No matter how I feel, Yamato had to have good reason for all this, just like Koushiro said. After this, I don't have to deal with them anymore and I won't need these anymore. I'll go home and I can focus on my studies like my father wants. He was right all along. Relationships just complicate things._

Yamato graciously thanked everyone for their thanks and was glad that Sora was being bombared enough with the usual baby questions that he could step aside for a cigarette. He went to the balcony and buried his face in his arms.

Koushiro joined him shortly after. "Yamato..." the other began. "What's going on?"

Sad, blue eyes turned to him, "Nothing, Koushiro... just go back inside."

"You would have told me about this," he whispered. "We're best friends."

"...Sora wanted me to keep it secret, okay?"

"Okay," Koushiro whispered, waving off a cloud of smoke. He stepped up to his friend and looked out over the street below with him. "Jyou's really hurt, you know."

"...yeah, well, we're fighting anyway. He can go feel fucking sorry for himself all he wants."

"Yamato," Koushiro demanded, "What is wrong with you?"

"Koushiro, go back inside."

"You _love _Jyou more than anything, Yamato. You're far from straight. I don't understand this and you know I'm going to figure this out."

"You're always making theories, but sometimes you're wrong," Yamato replied. "Like I said, Sora wanted to keep it secret until she was ready. Having a baby... it's a big deal. That's a little life inside her. One we owe the best possible existence." The blonde tapped away some ash, "We needed to make sure everyone else was on the same page."

"Oh... so your family knows, then?"

"Yeah. They know," Yamato remarked.

The glass door behind them opened again. Takeru smiled over at them. "Hey, Koushiro. Can my brother and I have a minute?"

"Sure," Koushiro replied, returning inside. Takeru shut the door behind him.

Yamato laughed, "What? Come to congradulate me, too?"

"Actually, I always hoped things would turn out this way," Takeru replied, taking a seat in the chair next to his brother. "Was this what you wanted to talk to me about so urgently the other day? You and Dad?"

Yamato stared into the distance, not looking at anything in particular. He thought, maybe, if God was there, he could glare at him. "Yeah, but like I told Koushiro... Sora wanted to tell everyone. I didn't have a right to."

"You must be happy. You can finally make the perfect family you always dreamed about," Takeru replied.

Yamato laughed again, once more burying his face in his arms. The heat of the cigarette was nearing the tips of his fingers. "Takeru, let's go get some cake, okay?"

"Sounds good," he replied and they headed back inside. Yamato scoured the room for Jyou, but didn't see him. _Something's wrong_, the blonde thought. He once imagined how his parents had felt when all the kids had disappeared into the Digital World. How scared they were that their children were missing. This was the sense that overcame him suddenly. Then Jyou appeared from the bathroom. His expression was fairly blank but when their eyes met, he just smiled.


	5. Chapter 5: Coping

Chapter 5: Coping

When Jyou returned home this time after having spent five hours at the party and another three just wandering around thinking, he found his father was alone at the dining table. Jyou called, "I'm home!" His mother wasn't in the living room and the lights weren't squeaking out from under the doorframes down the hall, so Shin wasn't there, either.

"Dad?" Jyou whispered, placing his shoes neatly in the row by the door.

"Sit down," Shou demanded.

Jyou sighed. He hadn't done anything to perpetuate his fake cram school, the excuse he had been using to see Yamato. He walked over and sat down at the table.

"I'm regretting ever giving you any freedom, Jyou. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"...the cram school. It doesn't exist. I was visiting friends," Jyou admitted. He wanted to look down at the grains in the table, but he knew if he didn't look his father in the eyes, he would regret it.

"You should have been here studying," Shou explained, removing his belt.

Jyou shrank in his chair as his father stood. "I-I'm sorry, Dad," the boy said, but before he could turn away, the leather of the belt hit him across the face and he fell to the side, onto the floor. A red mark began to form on his cheek. "I know I should have been studying, but I study ALL the time. I just needed some time with my friends."

"What friends could you possibly have?" he demanded, kicking the chair out of the way and bringing the belt down on Jyou's shoulder. Jyou cried out and looked up at his father again. "If you don't focus on your school work, what was the point in sending you to college in the first place? Are you going to throw away all you worked for your entire life? You have two years and then you can intern under me and carry on everything the Kido name stands for."

"Dad, I'm not going anymore anyway. I realize... I realized your right!" Jyou screamed as the belt went across his face. His glasses flew somewhere across the dining room tile onto the living room carpet. He was thankful he couldn't see, because he could smell blood coming from his nose.

"See, you know better!" his father ordered, bringing the belt down several more times against Jyou's body wherever was open as the boy twisted and tried to defend himself. Jyou wasn't sure how much longer the beating went on, but it was nowhere near as bad as it could have been if he hadn't looked his father in the eyes or admitted the truth. Thank God Jyou didn't slip he was off having sexual relations with a man or he probably would be in a body bag.

_Not that any of this matters, now..._ he thought. _I can't get the image out of my head. Him kissing her. I can't...understand it. Then I find out she's pregnant? He SLEPT with her? Why, and how? Yamato, why didn't you tell me any of this? _Jyou glanced up. He was sitting alone in the dark, blood dripping down his lips. "Why did you lead me on?" Jyou cried, throwing his arms down. Tears began to mix with the blood and drain onto the carpet. He quickly fumbled around for his glasses before he got a second beating from staining the rug and then limped to the bathroom. The side of his leg was forming a dark bruise. "Yamato..." He began to empty his pockets so he could remove his clothes and he saw the pills he had swiped earlier spin and settle at the edge of the sink. He stared at them for awhile and then looked at himself in the mirror. He wiped the blood from his face and washed his hands. Then, before he turned off the water, he cupped some of the liquid in his hands and brought it to his mouth with another pill. As he went down he closed his eyes and cried. Then his father banged on the door. Jyou scrambled to gather them and himself.

"Lights out. Now," his father demanded.

"Yes, sir," Jyou replied and then opened the door. His parent's door closed. He headed to his room and looked around. "There's... no sign of me," Jyou replied. "I don't even know who I am. What music do I like? What television shows would I like if I had watched more TV? I haven't even heard Yamato's albums. Yamato. You're a bastard."

* * *

><p>Yamato wasn't sure when he finally managed to convince Sora to let him leave the party and head home, but he finally did. When he got back, he smelled something nice coming from the kitchen. Chicken, maybe. Soup? He kicked off his shoes, "Dad, is that you cooking?"<p>

"Nope!" called Takeru from the kitchen.

"Although I am here," echoed his father's voice from the dining table.

"How did you beat me home?" Yamato laughed. He wasn't sure if he was happy to see his brother or not.

"Hikari let me get home early so I could cook for you, Mom, and Dad."

"Mom, too?" Yamato hissed.

"I'm over here, Yamato," Natsuko called weakly from the couch.

The older blonde scoffed and ignored her, "So, what's the occasion?"

"You really have to ask?" Hiroaki chuckled. "My son is going to be a father."

"You know I didn't want this," Yamato remarked. "But I'm not abandoning Sora."

"I'm glad," Takeru chimed in.

"Sora's such a wonderful girl," Natsuko said from the living room.

"I'm surprised you two worked things out," Hiroaki admitted. He didn't say more. He wouldn't upset his ex-wife. "Either way, I'm glad."

"Yeah," Yamato replied.

"Yamato," Natsuko said. The blonde didn't show any recognition. "Yamato, please, come here for just a minute." He sighed. With his brother and father glaring at him, he at least turned to her from the kitchen.

"Yes?" he called.

"I'm so happy for you," she said.

Yamato held his breath. He hadn't seen his mother in a month, but she already looked horrible. She was thin, pale. "Mom..." he whispered. She smiled at him and he wanted to feel bad, but he could only see the woman that hurt him.

"Well, you won't be seeing my kids," Yamato muttered under his breath. He wasn't sure if anyone aside his Dad heard him. "I'm going to my room. I'm not hungry. I think I drank too much anyway." He went to his room immediately and slammed the door, hard. He could still hear his family talking, however.

"He'll never forgive me," Natsuko cried.

Footsteps. Takeru had joined her, "Mom..."

"I don't know what else to do. I thought maybe he had moved on because of this..."

"He'll come around," Hiroaki said. "Sora won't let him cut you out."

"Has he told her?"

Natsuko's voice hung in the air, as if no one had expected her to ask that question, but no, she needed to know. She didn't care about the end result as it was her shame to bear, but she hoped that anyone who knew the truth would understand the why and not her son's warped perception of things. That was why, despite her depression over her son, she didn't try to deny anything happened or pretend she didn't remember. No, she remembered it. It haunted her as much as it haunted him, although, Yamato would never understand that, Natsuko knew. They had tried to make him understand, but the confusion of a six year old never went away, even when his mind had long realized what had happened.

Takeru glanced back and forth between them, still confused. He had been kept in the dark and after numerous tries he knew not to bother asking. He just held his mother's hand.

"I don't know. I assume he will," Hiroaki replied. "Takeru, the food will burn."

The boy returned to the kitchen to stir the soup. "Mom... Dad..."

"What is it?" Natsuko sighed, curling up on the couch. Takeru turned to look at her and then stared into the boiling food.

"N-Nothing, Mom," Takeru replied. "I'm just glad you're here, even if Yamato isn't. You know he loves you, no matter what, right? He can't hate his own mother. That's ridiculous."

Natsuko smiled, "Thank you for that, Takeru. You're such a good boy."

Yamato held back the urge to vomit hearing those words and decided not to listen anymore. He ignored the part of him that had somehow remained after all the abuse, the son that desperately wanted his mother. The human that just wanted contact that didn't make him remember his mother's gasps or the smell of her perfume. He had gone so far as to stand back up and have his hand on the door knob, ready to turn. After all, everyone just wanted him to accept what happened to him, to forgive her because it "wasn't her fault, it was the cancer". As far as Yamato was concerned, she was the cancer in his life and she would keep growing until it smothered him completely.

* * *

><p>When Jyou woke the next morning, he was still a bit dazed. The drugs were very similar to alcohol. Jyou had never been fond of drinking because he couldn't hold the liquor well. One time Yamato had convinced him to do shots together for the Hell of it- which, in Yamato's terms meant drowning out whatever his mother had said or done that day –and Jyou spent a good while over the porcelain trying to regain control over his insides.<p>

To this day he wasn't sure how he managed to choke down the equivalent of nail polish remover.

He would not have remembered the beating at all if it wasn't for the welt along his side. Luckily, his shirt would cover it. His father rarely aimed for the kid's face which had faint red marks also, so he must have been fairly upset. Lying was worse than if his father had witnessed whatever act Jyou had decided to do- like taking these pills, he thought.

He resisted the urge to down another. Nearly complete with his Master's, he full well knew the dangers of addiction and like most soon-to-be-addicts, convinced himself that he could stop easily.

Jyou decided to spend that Monday how he wanted despite his father's "warning" the night before, and headed to the cafe where he and Yamato frequented, the one where they had previously spoken about telling Takeru the truth regarding the divorce. Where they had just said "I love you" for the thousandth time.

Jyou once again ignored the urge to walk into that cafe a dazed mess, considering Yamato was sitting at their usual table when he arrived. He stopped outside the window. He was definetly angry with the blonde, but for now, his love still overshadowed it all, because Jyou knew there was an explanation. His pent up anger was how he was going to get it, too.

As Jyou stepped inside, he saw his ex-lover leaning over a cup of coffee. Of course he would be there today, it was the last day of that seasonal "Snow Latte" he loved, some concoction that smelled like a Christmas tree's butt.

The taller male joined the other and waited for an awknowledgement. Yamato didn't look up. "How can you drink that again?"

"Jyou... didn't think you were speaking to me after the party, considering you ignored me the entire night."

"I was just... shocked," Jyou said, knowing full well he couldn't tell Yamato he, of all people, had been high, and enjoyed every second of no responsibility with it.

"You have to believe me... I don't even remember sleeping with Sora. You know what happened last time."

"I'm surprised you didn't kill her," Jyou laughed, but his tone had been oddly serious. He hadn't completely come down from the day before, but it was more like a buzz than a stupor. Despite this, Jyou could see the dark circles under the blonde's eyes and hear the cracking in his voice. "Drinking much?"

Yamato glared at him, "Someone's super critical this morning. I did just find out my entire fucking life is ruined, as if it wasn't already off to a bad start and all."

"I hate to see you like this."

"Really, I couldn't tell," Yamato muttered, his eyebrows turning, "What the Hell are you here for anyway? You know whatever we had is over."

"Why?" Jyou smiled.

Yamato eyed his ex-boyfriend. He was... unusually cool. "Jyou, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Something's wrong with you. You're not at school and you're talking to the man that basically cheated on you and gave a big fuck you last night. What gives?"

"You're too hard on yourself, Yamato," Jyou replied, placing his hand on the other. "We don't have to give up anything. Sora tricked you, right?"

"I was drunk-"

"You were raped. Again. Doesn't that hurt your feelings?"

"Jyou!" Yamato demanded, squeezing the other's hand tight. Jyou frowned and pulled away. "What the Hell is the matter with you? Tell me right now or I'm walking out of here and never speaking to you-"

"Did you even notice my face?" Jyou hissed. "All you have been doing is going on about _Sora_ and you haven't even said anything!"

"It's not unusual for you, man. Besides, you didn't want me talking about it in public, right?" the blonde hissed, trying not to draw even more attention from the nearby booths. "Now, as I said. Tell me what's wrong with you. Did your father say something?"

"Oh, so now you want to know what's wrong with me. Now you want to hear me out," Jyou remarked.

"Damn it," the other said, closing his eyes, "You know I can't stand to see you in pain... I just get angry and I take it out on you. Jyou, I'm sorry, okay? So please, tell me what's wrong."

Jyou grabbed the pills from his pocket and threw them across the table. Yamato blinked. "Happy now?"

"I... I'm not sure," Yamato whispered. "Jyou, I've had my share of knowledge from the music scene, so I know what those are, but..."

"I got them prescribed for my anxiety," Jyou lied sternly. "It's no big deal, but it effects my mood. That's not why I'm here anyway."

"...yeah, I can see that," the blonde replied, sipping the last of his coffee. "Jyou... be honest then. Tell me everything and I'll just listen."


End file.
